Have you been avoiding the “uncomfortable” topic of your estate plan with your children? You want to do what is best for your children but perhaps you are legitimately concerned that your children are too young or busy, the conversation will be perceived as morbid or will not deliver the message you intend, or you just think it is too personal or confusing to discuss. For these and many other reasons, it is certainly an easy discussion to put off. However, with the holidays and plenty of family time approaching, we want to review three important reasons to take the plunge and have this critical conversation.
1. It’s Practical.
Put simply, if you want things done according to plan, you need to communicate the plan. Most children we speak with do actually want to know about their parents’ arrangements and wishes so they can help carry them out. Even if you choose not to share the financial details, at a minimum, we recommend discussing two basic things with your children. First, tell them the location of and how to get access to your important documents. Second, tell them the people on your “team” (e.g. financial advisor, accountant, attorney) that they should contact immediately after your death. This may seem obvious but preparing them for the actions they will need to take at your death will alleviate unnecessary stress for them during the emotional time immediately after.
2. Providing the “Why”.
Although your estate plan documents detail what goes where, they usually do not explain why. For example, unequal distributions or receipt of large sums or complex assets may be confusing to your children without the proper context or instructions. Communicating with your kids now, either one-on-one or in a family meeting can help to avoid confusion or hurt feelings after your death. It is also a great opportunity to share your values with the next generation so that they can continue your legacy. If you cannot find the courage for a conversation, at least consider writing your wishes and objectives in a non-binding letter format to keep with your other important papers.
3. A Teachable Moment.
As a parent, you have been given the privilege of leading your children by example. If you discuss the importance of estate planning with them now, you can teach them not only what you have learned about the process but also emphasize why it is critical for them to undertake as well. In addition, recognize that your estate plan may impact the planning that your children implement for their own families.
Don’t keep your kids in the dark or let the opportunity to communicate the plan, your “why”, and the importance of the process slip by. It can be as simple as starting with “I know you might think of this as an uncomfortable topic, but it is important to discuss it so you are prepared.” In addition, our attorneys have experience planning and conducting family meetings and would be happy to help you start the conversation by arranging one or more meetings at your request.
* Intended as general guidance only and not as legal advice.
